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I've been rightfully accused of being an over-thinker. I myself will admit, I am an over-thinker. Sometimes, I just need to overthink myself in a circle, out loud or by text with someone to realize, yea, I have nothing to worry about.


Living more in the moment, being present, mindful - and less overthinking; all similar concepts that I want to embrace more completely this year - the year of 43.


This afternoon, after two brief conversations with friends, I felt the need for grounding or what some call earthing. I'd been told to do it before or at least to visualize doing it. In this moment, it was mid-50s in January. The temps are dropping to the 30s tomorrow and snow is coming. But today, the sun was peeking from behind a cloud, so off I went. Out the front door, into the front yard, took off my sandals, and walked around the cold, wet yard. Of course, being me, I had to pick up sticks to use in the fireplace while I did it. But I also took notice of the sensations. The feeling of the wet grass, stepping on fallen walnuts, tromping on vole tunnels, and hearing the sound of the creek, slightly more noisy because of the earlier rain. I made a bit of a lap, not really a circle, just going oddly, where I felt I needed to go, taking time to pause when I wanted. I knew it was time to stop, when after all the cold I felt, I reached a small spot that was warm.  I went inside, dumped the sticks, and changed my shoes.


It's been a while since I made this walk, and today, it was time. It wasn't out of avoidance that I hadn't taken the walk, I just hadn't felt compelled. But today, oh, today, I was called.


I've had some visitors to the house in the last few weeks who have felt Ghon's presence. His energy. Seen him here. And he may have even been with one friend outside the house. I've occasionally wondered why so many other people have felt him, but I don't. But then I wondered, maybe he was just so much a part of me, half my internal thoughts are him.


Back to that calling. I'd been reading and discussing more about calling on spirits and guides for questions and guidance in life. Today, after walking the yard barefoot, seemed to be the day. After I dumped the sticks, I went into my room to get my socks - and found a feather. Sure it was from my comforter, but it doesn't typically lose feathers, nor do they end up in my bathroom. I acknowledged the sign, knowing it was definitely time to hike the hill.


Boots on, cell phone on silent, up the hill I went. Take a left at the lower road, find the chair and pause. I greet Ghon; this is the spot the majority of his ashes lay; and cross through the woods to his tree stand. I climb, take a few pictures, then get cozy.

As I start to relax, breathing deeply, trying to clear my mind, I catch the slightest movement to my left. A teeny tiny spider crawls by. Then, I see a second. I laugh, and acknowledge them too. I know why they are here.


Eyes closed, I try to remember some of what I read, how to call out my guides and protect myself at the same time. I say some words and pause. I came with a question in mind. I ask it - and wrap some loose details around it - and wait. Keeping my mind as quiet as possible, I try to identify changes in the way I feel or new sounds around me. And the answer comes.


The slightest pressure in my legs. A shift to brighter colors behind my eyes. The sound of a bird singing; that as I hear it, reminds me of mornings, a symbol of beginnings; and the melody - a sweet simple song. The bird only sings a few notes; and I know this is my answer. A morning song at 4 in the afternoon. I acknowledge it; the singing stops and tears form in my eyes. I let them roll gently down my cheeks. These are not tears of sorrow; they are tears of hope, happiness, and promise. I sat in the tree stand and smiled, wearing simple tears of joy.


I thanked the universe, my angels and guides, and Ghon for my answer. For setting the path. I know it was not set purely by my own actions. I can hear the weather changing in the distance. I climb down, give thanks once more, and set off down the hill back to the house. Thinking, but not over-thinking, about that moment and what answers I was given. I'm reminded of words I spoke months ago; more validation that this is was where I was supposed to be today. This is what I was supposed to do. And when I ask questions and am quiet enough to listen, I will get answers.


But it didn't stop there. I walked into the house, take off the boots, back to my room to change shoes, the sun hides, and the rain starts. It wasn't a hard rain - it sounded - soft, gentle, cleansing.


I dart out to my car, it's time to pick up the kids. I start the car, my phone connects to the Bluetooth, and the last song I played, at the very loud volume I had it turned up to, gives me one more message.

Rescue me!

I give half a laugh - yes, that would be what I would hear right now. I pull out of my driveway, and see the sun, back from behind the clouds, chasing me. The sun is filling my car with light and the rain stopped. I smile again and pause. I have to, at this moment, message my friend to acknowledge their role in this moment; it can't wait. Then I carry on.


The song changes twice. I'm driving, singing along like I always do. The sun is behind me, grey clouds in front and I think I see part of a rainbow. The road bends, I keep singing, "...the love of my life..." and I am in such shock, incredible awe, that I pull over, and take a picture. Twice.




This - is what I saw as I sang "love of my life"

 

A quick lesson the symbolism of rainbows:

• ...intuitively tells us to hold onto hope, to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that sacred blessings open to us when we are following our hearts desire.
• spiritual meaning attached to it in the form of an inner awakening caused by the shining through of light embedded in positive attributes, such as truth and wisdom.
• In Norse mythology, a rainbow once served as a bridge between the mortal and immortal.
• double rainbow is a symbol of transformation and is a sign of good fortune in eastern cultures. The first arc represents the material world, and the second arc signifies the spiritual realm.

Is it any wonder now, that I had a wall of rainbow wallpaper as a kid? That I have a rainbow tattoo? That in that particular moment, knowing my question, the answers I was giving, the song and words I was singing - that I saw a momentary double rainbow, with intense coloring and the ray of light behind it? No, these are not coincidences. These are answers.


Answers to my question. That I chose to ask. And that I chose to be still and quiet enough to receive the answers to. Year 43, I'm ready. You are going to be amazing.