Fear. Fear is making them buy toilet paper. Fear of death. Fear of captivity. You can't control your fate. You control what you can, and that becomes toilet paper for those that can't handle it. Society often cares too much about what we have rather than who we have. We don't talk about the things that scare us. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid for my kids if I do. People joking about being locked up with their significant others, when the man I would love to be locked up with is 103 miles away.
I wrote that March 23, 2020.It's now November 23, 2020, and I'm 7 days post COVID-19 and 12 days with symptoms. I'm in isolation with my kids and the man I love is still 103 miles away. Being over what seems to be the worst of my time with COVID, the kids aren't as scared, and they have it too.
You probably want to know how it started. Here's the order symptoms appeared for me:
Sniffly congestion: I always get congested when the seasons change and the temperature changes dramatically back and forth... I didn't think too much of it.
Exhaustion: But I was tired too. It was probably because I had just been away.
Cough: Ummm, yea, that's not a good sign.
Nightmares: Enough said.
Fever: This, was when I got really nervous. What if I have it? Every temperature taken with 2 thermometers.
Congestion worsens.
Decreased appetite: Did I even eat breakfast? Wait, I'm not grazing...
Smell...gone: I didn't realize it at first. Wondered why I couldn't smell any difference in my new chili powders. But when I showered the next day and couldn't smell my soap, or the other 2 I sniffed real hard to test... I knew. Doesn't really matter to use a matching scented lotion.
GI issues: I'll spare details, and thankfully they weren't terrible but lingering.
Shortness of breath: If I climb 2 flights of stairs, I feel slightly out of breath. If I climb one, and talk to kids while doing it, I'm out of breath. If I talk too much, too fast (and if you really know me, you know this is my way of life), I get winded.
Body aches: COVID or because I'm in bed too much, or both?
I had a telemed appointment day 3-4 of symptoms, after the first fever. It was a Saturday morning and the testing site said I couldn't come in until Monday. Sunday night, Genevieve woke up screaming and crying, with a fever, worried about a covid test and diagnosis, and then puked. If my own symptoms didn't tell me I had it, this did.
I tested on Monday morning. It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated, but it wasn't pleasant. I rolled down my window, verified my identity, pulled down my mask and did my job, which was to not move. Tears streamed down my face. Like most moms, I grabbed a napkin out of the console, wiped my tears then blew my nose and drove home.
That night, I had an email from NextMD, but I thought it was my bill from Saturday and kept checking my online account with the hospital testing. I read the message on NextMD Tuesday morning. There it was, a positive diagnosis. Next step, a telemed appointment with the pediatrician, who talked to both kids, canceling a variety of appointments I had for the following week, and telling 2 parents on my street, who my kids had played near on Sunday. That was hard, but the right thing to do. I opted, with approval from the pediatrician, to not put the kids through testing. I was positive, Genevieve had the symptoms, and Jonathan was just starting to. He, my chicken tender/pizza/taco won't eat a vegetable for anything eating kid, has had the mildest case of the three of us. 10-day stay post diagnosis for me gets me out of isolation on Thanksgiving. Because Jonathan wasn't showing too much yet, he got a 14-day stay. We are in through the weekend.
Do I know where we got it from? Nope. Had we just returned from a trip to Great Wolf Lodge? Yes, but aside from the pool 2-hours a day, we wore our masks or did work/school from our room. We also stopped at a truck stop. I'd shopped the days prior. I went to a flea market. I took the kids to gymnastics and ninja warrior. We got a pedicure two days before our trip. We could have picked it up from anyone or anywhere.
If you want to tell me this is just a flu, please don't. I consider myself very lucky to be home still. To be working still, even if I take a few more trips to the kitchen for hot water (aka tea) or cold water. Jonathan suffers most from tiredness, a headache, and focus and his teachers were gracious to give him a little extra time for assignments. Genevieve has been able to keep up with school as well, missed an assignment but got caught up. This jacks not only with my body but my mind. The flu doesn't do that.
Like many of you, I was actually looking forward to Thanksgiving. I was a little concerned...we were going to be in PA with many of Boo's relatives...and I wasn't sure it was a great idea from a COVID perspective, but emotionally, I was so excited. Now I'll be cooking a turkey breast and a few sides for kids who will take a couple bites, eat some bread and call it done until dessert. Those same relatives have now decided, with cases rising, to not host a family meal (and were unaware of my diagnosis). We will all be missing out. I'll likely be depressed a bit that day. Despite that, I will be grateful that everyone will be staying safe, for time with my kids, a roof over our head, food for them to complain about, for having a supportive supervisor/friend, flexible teachers, a few friends checking on us regularly that have been aware, for the fact that we are getting better, and knowing that at some point in the future, I will have another opportunity to share a meal with all those family members. Despite this diagnosis, I am blessed. Even with it - because now I will have some immunity for some unknown amount of time - I may be able to help someone else or not have to worry as much about putting others at risk.
I must give a shout-out to my friend Bill, who shared so much of his experience after his diagnosis in the early summer, for doing that and talking to me. I felt somewhat more prepared because I knew what he went through. It's because of him and things that I'd read online, that I'd already had an oximeter ordered. It came 4 days post diagnosis. Pro-tip: if you get one, put your finger in, then turn it on. My first read was at 52 O2, because I turned it on first. Also, prone position, best for breathing with fluid in your lungs or other breathing difficulties, is on your stomach. 
We are surviving and counting down the days of isolation. With a neighborly drop off of milk and cheerios, and food delivery services when I'm just too tired to cook, we are getting through. I had just picked up 2 new TV, so each kid has their own sofa and screen. I've finished 2 books and a series on Netflix. We've watched some TV together (Baby Yoda Show!), played Among Us, and watched the birds. I even got some fresh air, from my back porch, this weekend.
We wore our masks. We washed our hands and kept our distance; yet here we are. Do I think you should stop wearing your mask - no. Do I think you should go visit your family and friends and live without a care - also no. Do I think this is no worse than the seasonal flu - once again, no. While our symptoms are diminishing and we will be OK, this is very different. This will mess with our heads for a while. I can't smell anything and have no clue when I might regain that sense. The next time someone asks you what you are grateful for, remember that. Try cooking dinner with no sense of smell. I taste texture and properties like sweet, salty and heat. I spray my house down with Lysol and have no clue how strong it is. I'm congested; but it's not like a cold or other infection. I can breathe, not out of one nostril at a time, but both. When have you ever felt congested, but able to breathe? It's the most bizarre sensation. I'm tired, and I'm even more tired of being tired. The first few nights I had horrible dreams and barely slept. The next 4 nights, I couldn't sleep through the night. I now sleep 8-9 hours a night and could easily nap midday if I let myself.
We traveled a bit; but we were safe about it. But were we as safe as back in March? In April? No. I learned how to sew and gave away (some people gave donations to a local organization in return) over 150 masks. You think I wasn't wearing one? Only in the great outdoors. Or that one time... Be vigilant friends. Be safe. I don't want anyone to live in fear, and yes, I know not everyone gets it "bad," but do you really want to be that case that does? Antibodies or not - I'm still wearing my mask once I re-enter gen-pop and will be more careful. Take it seriously, even if you think it's just the flu. Do you go make a habit of hanging around lots of people during flu season? Not wash your hands? Visit immune compromised family and friends because the flu isn't a big deal? I didn't think so.
I kept quiet about this for a while obviously. A few friends and very few family members knew. Yet again, if you know me, I don't just share the good stuff that happens in my life, I'm here to share the dumpster fire moments too. I wanted to be a teacher when I was younger - consider this my teaching moment - a personal anecdote on COVID life and still managing to find something positive in it. Like many of you, I've had some massive boredom spells since the spring. Trips cancelled and plans torn apart. But I had my Bonus Kid with me for half the time (until school started) and that was a good thing on many levels. I learned how to sew. I started making more time to read. I had frank conversations with my kids and baked banana bread. I built a garden for our ground hog, and supported as many local business as possible and kept Amazon in business. We have delivery vans in Winchester now thanks to me! And perhaps most important, (and it must be because it's a hard one to learn and I keep getting this lesson over and over) to be flexible; to go with the flow because I can't control everything. Plans crashed and new ones took their place, and I loved every minute. Months two and eleven of 2020 were a little challenging for me, but it's the middle I'll remember best.
In the end, the kids and I will be OK, because we will have survived, together, and I used Instacart to buy toilet paper.
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